Parent Voices: Parenting Trans Kids During The Holidays
“May each trans child be able to look at themselves—inside and out—and see how beautiful they are. See their authenticity, their truth, their light—radiating into the world.”
I am an adult. Well, technically speaking. I’m in my thirties and have children. I pay bills and maintain a household. I do a lot of adulting on a regular basis. So, yeah, I guess I’m an adult.
But yet, when the holidays roll around, I feel like a kid again in many ways. Childhood memories take over my mind and I remember the good, the bad, and the ugly of the Christmas (for our family) season. The magic of Santa, the trips to get our tree, fighting over which tree to pick, heightened stress levels from our parents that spread through the house. So many feelings. So many emotions.
I know my children will have their own stuff from their childhoods that they’ll carry into adulthood—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m just hoping it’s a lot more good than bad and ugly.
I hope all of my children feel loved and validated and supported, always, but while gathering with family and friends around the holidays, I feel it leaves my trans son a bit more at risk for potential heartache.
When he receives clothing from the girls department instead of the boys from a family member.
When he notices a holiday card with his birth name on it.
When we look through old photos, he sees himself in floofy dresses and big bows.
When someone trips up on his pronouns or stumbles on his name.
And for me and my partner, I can see and honor the trickiness of this season with our son. Sometimes he likes sparkly shirts—should we buy him that one or will he be confused by our purchase? He loves dolls—is that okay to buy more dolls and doll accessories?
Will a short haircut elicit strange comments from family members we haven’t seen recently?
Who will we bump into that we’ll need to explain things to?
This has all been floating through my head these past few weeks, increasing my worry count.
But my loved ones are counting on me, too.
My son is counting on me.
This will not be any of the bad and ugly he carries into adulthood, I vow to myself. This takes some of my worries away.
I may not be able to control what other people write on a card they send us, but I can talk him through it. I can follow my gut and buy him what I know he’ll love—regardless of what society deems “right” or “wrong” for boys. I can correct people when they use the wrong name or pronoun. I can answer any questions he has while looking through old photos, or hold any feelings that come up.
I can do what we’ve been doing all along—follow his lead and listen to what he has to say.
I can slow down and pay attention.
That’s the true point of the holiday season, anyway, isn’t it?
I like to remind myself that my loved ones are counting on me to protect them and keep them safe. This is my most cherished job and greatest honor I have. Throughout the holiday season and always.
My wish for children who don’t have the support in their life that they deserve, is this—
May each trans child be able to look at themselves—inside and out—
and see how beautiful they are.
See their authenticity, their truth, their light—radiating into the world.
May you choose yourself, beautiful child, over and over again, no matter what.
May you find a strong community, abundant support, and the safety you deserve.
May you feel loved this holiday season throughout the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And may you find yourself and keep yourself forever.
Parent Voices is an anonymous opportunity for parents to voice their experience of raising a trans child, without disclosing their identity, and outing their child. If you would like to submit an article please send it to hello@genderspecialist.com with the subject line “Parent Voices”
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