Parent Voices: We Fight For Those We Love

How trans activism has brought me the support I needed. 

My 12 year-old daughter’s transgender coming out story is one of the long slow burn ones. She was never gender-typical. She traded her pacifier for a Elsa doll, she went through a long non-binary phase, and she came to girlhood in baby steps as we tagged along. Where we live is extremely–but quietly–progressive. We’ve had no barriers to gender affirming care, and the day she came out at school the principal called me to let me know they’d be there for her during her transition. In other words we’ve been very very lucky. 

While we were so fortunate, it was also hard.  I experienced the terror of an uncertain future for my daughter. I grieved the idea of the son I thought my daughter had been, and I lost sleep (still lose sleep) over decisions she won’t have to make for a decade. But as time went on our comfort grew and so did our faith in our family’s ability to navigate her gender, no matter where that journey took us. 

While steadiness was arriving for our family, the country around us was beginning to not just fail our transgender kids, but come after them.Today it is no longer safe for our family in half the states in this country. In 6 short years I’ll be launching my daughter into a country where it is legal to deny her housing, employment, service and healthcare based on her gender identity. 

In the following months, I co-founded a Gender Diverse Kids Parents and Caregivers group at work. I hosted a fireside chat for my workplace (thank you, Rebecca, for being on our panel!). I started a local Facebook group for other parents. And last fall I found myself connected to a small group of other parents ready to really get in the weeds and fight for our kids’ rights. In consultation with members of the trans community and political advisors, we launched Families United for Trans Rights (FUTR). 

There is incredible philanthropic, communication, and artistic work happening to support trans people during this time. We decided to start our work with a laser-focus on supporting highly qualified transgender candidates for public office. Representation matters, and we believe a key way of stopping the flood of anti-trans legislation is to have more trans people in those rooms where the laws are getting made. Trans representation is quite literally life-saving.

This work has helped me cope in a crazy political environment and has brought me comfort–it’s something I can do to pave a better way for my daughter. But the most surprising thing is that through this work, my community has grown in incredibly meaningful ways. For the first time since college I am forming new friendships that I know will be a central part of my life for years to come. They are durable and span professions, ages, location, and gender identity. The thing that brings us all together, that makes these friendships so essentially supportive and enriching,  is that the driving motivation for us connecting is a deep love for our children and their community. It’s kind of classic, right? Love is the thing. 

Please share the love, and if you’re able,  please consider donating to qualified transgender candidates for office: www.ourFUTR.org.