Be An LGBTQ+ Accomplice: Active Allyship Explained
A year ago, I asked my followers on Instagram what they thought makes a good LGBTQ+ ally, and I got some great responses:
“Always listen and learn from LGBTQ+ people. Asking/sharing pronouns is always a nice thing to do.”
“Empathy enables understanding, which allows acceptance, which creates support.”
“Share your pronouns when you introduce yourself!”
“Learn, challenge your thinking, and take action to effect change.”
So, it’s one thing to call yourself an ally, but what does true allyship look like?
Let’s explore some steps together for how to be the best LGBTQ+ ally that you can be:
Be open to learning
Adaptation and learning are vital to being a good LGBTQ+ ally, so don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Listen to the stories queer and trans people have to share. Depending on your relationship you may feel free to ask them respectful questions, but also do your own research, online or in other ways. Don’t rely on the queer people in your life to do the heavy lifting. In fact, you’re already doing a great job at this by reading this blog post!
Stop assuming
You know what they say about assuming…
Assumptions about someone’s gender, sexuality, or pronouns can be really hurtful, and it’s important to notice and resist these assumptions as they pop up. It is harmful to assume that anyone is straight, or to assume someone’s gender or pronouns. This will take concious effort, but is a really important part of being an ally.
It’s best not to ask someone who you aren’t close with yet about their gender or sexuality, but don’t be afraid to offer your own pronouns and then ask for someone else's - it’s actually the polite thing to do!
Don’t be a bystander
Considering yourself an LGBTQ+ ally is a start, but your actions are the true test! Being an ally is more than just being disapproving of injustice - it’s actively standing up against it! Don’t stay silent. Make your voice heard when you witness something harmful towards a person in the community, or when someone says something inappropriate. Take being an ally a step further and be an accomplice!
Confront your own biases
Everyone has biases, whether you are aware of them or not. The best way to handle them is to confront them, head on.
Think deeply about your beliefs and assumptions when it comes to queer and trans people. Think about the jokes you laugh at, the assumptions you make, the people you consider friends. Are you practicing what you preach? Don’t be afraid to be wrong, to learn, and to grow. Confront the things that make you uncomfortable, and work against those assumptions.
When necessary, step aside!
Allies are a vital part of achieving equality for all, but know when it is time for someone in the community to speak. There are instances when queer people need to speak from their own experience and allies shouldn’t be centered. Prioritize and uplift people with lived experience. Learn when to take a step back- but don’t fully walk away! Your presence is vital. It takes a village.
How could you step up your allyship?
Now that we’ve gone through all of those strategies for allyship, let me ask you: which elements of your allyship could be improved, modified, or strengthened? Where do you see yourself struggling? It’s important to identify those vulnerable points in order to grow and learn as an ally.
Want to learn more?
Check out my recent blog posts, Six Trans Myths, Debunked! and Explaining They/Them Pronouns to learn more!
Resources to learn more about LGBTQ+ identities and be a better parent or caregiver:
A great way to be an ally is learning the proper terms to discuss 2SLGBTQ+ topics.
To download a PDF of gender and sexuality terms click here.
Has a kid in your life recently come out to you? Check out my guide!
Want to better understand gender so you can support the kids in your life?
Sign up for How To Talk To Kids About Gender, the course that helps parents and caregivers have the not-so-difficult conversations that matter about gender.
