Uplifting Trans Parents for National Trans Parent Day
As someone who works primarily with trans youth and their families, I tend to focus on creating resources for parents and caregivers of transgender kids. Meanwhile, there is a significant population of people who are transgender and parents and caregivers.
This coming Sunday (11/6/22) is “National Trans Parent Day.”
Established in 2009, Trans Parent Day is celebrated every year on the first Sunday in November as a day to celebrate “life and the love between transgender parents and their children.”
I've attempted to center the experiences of trans parents, and to uplift their experiences in their own words. As you may recall from my last post, a vital part of active allyship is stepping aside and listening to the lived experiences of members of the community.
Transgender Parent Day Significance
This is a day to honor trans folks who are parents and caregivers, in addition to - or rather than - the more binary gendered Mother’s Day and Father’s Day holidays.
One family explains, “My daughters and I have worked out the whole gendered holidays by ignoring them. We celebrate Trans-Parent day [instead].”
Not every trans parent will experience Mother’s and Father’s Day in the same way, but for those who find it uncomfortable or painful, Transgender Parent Day is a great alternative!
Coming out as trans, as a parent
Just as a child coming out as trans can be anxiety inducing for them, the same goes for parents who decide to come out to their spouse and/or children. For some parents, they worry that coming out as trans will fracture their relationship with their children.
Marlow White, 47, gives the advice that parents should “...be willing to have a dialogue. Kids are resilient—they are our best supporters and advocates. Since I have transitioned my children have marched with and supported me.”
In fact, many trans parents report that coming out to their children has actually strengthened their parent-child bond. Transgender parent Trystan Reese writes, “Living your authentic truth not only frees you from the constraints of a closeted life but also shows your children what it means to be honest about who you are, even in difficult circumstances. Children of trans parents report that once their parent has come out, they’re often happier and more pleasant to be around.”
Nothing can change the love you have for your child
Coming out can be terrifying, especially when you’re coming out to people who have known you for a long time. It can be especially daunting to consider coming out to your child no matter their age. Remember that your coming out is an opportunity to model authenticity and invite your child to join you in being whoever they are becoming.
Trans parent Seth Marnin, 43, says there’s nothing to worry about (perhaps easier said than felt!). “Trust your kid and your own love for your kid. At the end of the day, your kids want to know you love them.”
Trans parents: you are not alone!
Closeted queer and trans people often feel extremely isolated. This can be especially difficult for closeted trans parents who might feel that they aren’t able to be their most authentic self with those they love most.
Transwoman and mother Noelia, 46, says, “There is a silent mental health epidemic going on right now! It affects trans folks disproportionately. You might feel like the whole world has gone mad and is out to get you. But being trans is really about surviving and being fierce. You are not alone. Identify your support network, even if it’s just one person, and fight for your right to pursue happiness. Never GIVE UP!”
While it might not feel like it all the time, there is a whole community of people out there who felt like you do, who want to support you in your journey coming out and living as a trans parent.
You don’t have to be out to be valid!
For some parents and caregivers, coming out simply doesn’t feel like an option for a million different reasons. If that’s where you are, I’m so sorry for the ways this might be painful and I want you to know that you can still be yourself, even in the quiet little private moments in between. I hope you can be kind to yourself.
Trans Parent and Family Resources
Check out just a few of these groups and resources on Instagram!
Want to learn more?
Check out my recent blog posts, Gender Neutral Family Terms and Titles and Six Trans Myths, Debunked! to learn more!
Resources to learn more about LGBTQ+ identities and be a better parent or caregiver:
A great way to be an ally is learning the proper terms to discuss 2SLGBTQ+ topics.
To download a PDF of gender and sexuality terms click here.
Has a kid in your life recently come out to you? Check out my guide!
Sign up for How To Talk To Kids About Gender, the course that helps parents and caregivers have the not-so-difficult conversations that matter about gender.
