10 Minutes of Healing: 'The Dads' on the Power of Connection for Fathers of Trans Kids
‘The Dads’ is an eye-opening experience, allowing the public into the often private and isolated moments of parents raising trans kids. This short film provides personal insights into the complexities and tenderness of fatherhood, especially in the context of raising transgender children. Directed by Luchina Fisher, a mother of a trans child, and produced by Dwyane Wade, supportive father of his trans daughter Zaya Wade, the short captures the nuanced and emotionally rich experiences of fathers of trans youth, emphasizing both the challenges and the profound, gentle love inherent in their journeys.
Understanding through Shared Experiences
‘The Dads’ powerfully proves that fathers from vastly different backgrounds, races, and cultures can come together and connect, united by their deep love for their children. As a parent coach for parents of LGBTQ+ youth, I stress the significance of finding a supportive community for caregivers, emphasizing that no one should navigate these experiences alone. The strength found in connecting with others who share similar journeys can be a source of immense comfort and resilience. One father in the film, Peter Betz, shared “The life-changing moment was meeting Wayne — being able to talk to another parent, particularly another father.” This underscores the importance of community and support in unique parenting situations like raising transgender children. In instances where local support is lacking, organizations like PFLAG, online groups, and Facebook communities offer invaluable platforms for connection and support. There is immense strength in numbers, in shared wisdom, and in the empathy that comes from those who truly understand your journey.
Overcoming Personal Challenges
The film doesn’t shy away from the personal struggles fathers face. One father reflects on his initial reactions, saying, “I knew I did something stupid, and I sat down and I said, ‘I got to get my head on straight.’ I had to ask myself what I was afraid of.” This honest admission of fear and shame highlights the internal journey many parents undergo as they learn to accept and support their children unconditionally. As a parent coach, I understand that these struggles don't exist in a vacuum. We are all human, dealing with co-occurring challenges like loss, grief, work stress, other children, and caring for aging parents. These multifaceted aspects of our lives add layers of complexity to the parenting experience. This evolution from fear and uncertainty to advocacy and support is a central theme of the film. In my coaching, I help parents navigate these intertwined challenges, offering support and guidance. It's important to recognize that parents do not have to have all the answers and that it's okay to seek help in managing these diverse and often unfamiliar aspects of life.
A Valuable Resource for Reflection and Discussion
To further enrich the viewing experience of 'The Dads,' the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) has crafted a discussion guide. This guide isn’t just a companion to the film; it's a powerful tool for sparking conversations and building empathy and awareness. It provides a structured way for groups, be it in community centers, educational settings, or even informal gatherings, to explore and discuss the complex themes presented in this poignant documentary. By delving into questions like, 'Did you learn something from these dads that you think others should know?' and 'Is there one person (or group of people) you think should be required to view this film? What would you want them to gain from it?' the guide encourages viewers to not only reflect on the film's content but also consider its broader implications in society. It’s about transforming a 10-minute viewing experience into an opportunity for profound learning and change, particularly in how we understand and support trans youth and their families. For those specifically seeking to deepen their parental or caregiving perspectives, I have compiled '10 Reflection Questions to Enhance Your Experience of 'The Dads' for Parents and Caregivers,' which are tailored to help parents and caregivers connect more deeply with the film and apply its valuable insights in their own lives.
What’s Possible
‘The Dads’ is more than just a documentary; it's a timely exploration of the evolving role of modern fatherhood, particularly in the context of parenting transgender children. Within this narrative, the presence of Matthew Shepard's father is deeply impactful. Having experienced profound loss and tragedy, he brings a depth of compassion and insight that is both beautiful and tender. His interactions with the other fathers, marked by intergenerational support and mentorship, powerfully demonstrate how shared pain can lead to shared strength. This film serves not only as a conversation starter and an enlightening educational tool but also as a heartfelt reflection on the joys and challenges of parenting. It stands as a poignant reminder of the profound understanding, acceptance, and love that unfold when parents truly show up for their trans kids, guided by the wisdom of those who have walked this path before them.
Take Action Today!
Go to the Protect Trans Youth page for ways to take action, resources, and suggestions for where to donate your time and money.
Has a kid in your life recently come out to you? Check out my free guide!
Sign up for How To Talk To Kids About Gender, the course that helps parents and caregivers have the not-so-difficult conversations that matter about gender.
