“Am I Gay If I Use Pronouns?”
This question is frequently googled so I thought I’d tackle it here:
Short answer: No! Absolutely not!
Pronouns ≠ Gay
Using pronouns is a basic act of respect and a way to affirm someone's identity. However, there is a misconception that using someone's pronouns or sharing your pronouns means they are part of the LGBTQ+ community or that they are trying to "convert" others to being gay. This is not only untrue but also perpetuates harmful stereotypes and discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community. The only conversion we should be worried about is the one harming LGBTQ+ people by forcing them into conversion therapy to be someone they are not.
Sexual Orientation ≠ Gender
Sexual orientation and gender identity are separate and distinct concepts. Sexual orientation refers to a person's romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to others, while gender identity refers to a person's internal sense of their own gender. Using someone's pronouns has nothing to do with their sexual orientation and some would even argue it has nothing to do with gender. A person can identify as gay, straight, bisexual, or any other identity, and still use pronouns.
Pronouns Aren’t A Preference
For many individuals, pronouns are deeply tied to their gender identity, reflecting their core sense of self. Using the correct pronouns is an act of recognition and affirmation, acknowledging someone's authentic identity. Though the language of ‘preference’ was once considered politically correct, we no longer use that terminology. By dismissing pronouns as a preference, we risk invalidating and erasing the lived experiences of transgender and non-binary individuals. Recognizing and honoring someone's pronouns fosters a sense of belonging and validates their gender identity.
Why Share Pronouns?
Sharing your pronouns and asking others for theirs (not just for LGBTQ+ individuals) can help to break down harmful stereotypes and discrimination. It's essential to understand that everyone has a right to self-identify and to be respected for who they are. In conclusion, using correct pronouns is a way to show respect to everyone, regardless of their identity, and does not make you gay!
Take Action Today!
Go to the Protect Trans Youth page for ways to take action, resources, and suggestions for where to donate your time and money.
Has a kid in your life recently come out to you? Check out my guide!
Sign up for How To Talk To Kids About Gender, the course that helps parents and caregivers have the not-so-difficult conversations that matter about gender.
