Affirmations for Parents and Caregivers of Queer and Trans Youth

For parents and caregivers, it can feel really overwhelming when a child comes out to you as queer or trans. The pressure to do and say the “right things'' can be debilitating. 

But, it’s important that you feel confident in yourself in order to pass on that confidence to your child. Affirmations can be a great way to build that confidence, and you’ve come to the right place. Read on to check out some positive self affirmations that you can repeat when you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.

My child knows who they are and I will follow their lead.

It’s scary to get up the courage to come out to your parents, and for parents it can be scary to know what to do next. As a parent, it’s important to trust your child, and that they know themselves. They’ve taken the first step - see where they go!

My child felt safe enough to share their authentic self with me.

It’s one thing to admit something to yourself, but another thing entirely to admit it to someone else. A child - or anyone - feeling comfortable enough to come out to you is huge, and something to celebrate!

I am helping my child to be their most authentic self.

Your support for your child is *everything*. Standing by your child and offering them your support allows them to be their authentic self and know that they are not alone.

I don’t need to understand everything right away in order to support my child.

Many parents put a lot of pressure on themselves to learn everything there is to know about the LGBTQ+ community once their child comes out. However, while this learning and growth is important, it is not necessary in order to be there for your child. Don’t let not understanding be a barrier to showing up for your kid. Support them as you would in any other situation and remind them that you love them.

I trust that I am doing what is right for my child and my family.

It can feel overwhelming to try to figure out next steps after your child comes out. Fears that you are not doing enough for your child can creep in. Instead of letting fear guide you, trust that you are doing what is best for both your child and your family.

I’m learning to be comfortable with ambiguity.

Identity is a messy and ever-changing thing. Some people might realize their gender and sexuality at a young age and stay confident in that for the rest of their life, while others might explore, and need more time to discover who they are. Some don’t find a need to label themselves. Your child might be any one of these ways! Give them the space to learn and grow, and be comfortable in that change and ambiguity as they do so.

I am allowing myself the time and space to grieve.

It’s common for parents to experience a sense of grief when their child comes out as transgender. It is important as a parent to process these feelings and give yourself space to feel them, so that you can fully be there to support your child and not let those emotions affect your support for them.

Please note: This processing should be done with anyone other than your child! Your trans child doesn’t need to hear that you're grieving. Often they are excited and relieved to finally be able to be their authentic self and being told that causes grief to those around them is painful. It also perpetuates the notion that their past ceases to exist and is likely the foundation for terms like “deadname” (name assigned at birth).

Keep breathing, this will get easier.

It might be hard now, but it won’t always feel like this. When your child comes out to you, it can throw both your worlds upside down- but it’s not forever. This too shall pass.

Want to better understand gender so you can support the kids in your life?

Sign up for How To Talk To Kids About Gender, the course that helps parents and caregivers have the not-so-difficult conversations that matter about gender.

Resources to learn more about LGBTQ+ identities and be a better parent or caregiver:

A great way to be an ally is learning the proper terms to discuss 2SLGBTQ+ topics. 

To download a PDF of gender and sexuality terms click here.

Has a kid in your life recently come out to you? Check out my guide!